Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
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some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
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I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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