You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize