i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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