He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize