just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize