I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
They have beer where we have blood.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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