Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
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Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
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I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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