Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
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i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
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He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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