You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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