I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
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At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
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I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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