So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize