i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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