so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
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Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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