Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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