Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
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