I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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