I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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