A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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