just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize