hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
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Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
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Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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