how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize