FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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