I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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