Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
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just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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