Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize