before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
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she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
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Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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