Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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