I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
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he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
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The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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