So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
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One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
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Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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