hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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