Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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