my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
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I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
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Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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