guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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