my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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