It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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