New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize