you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I supernannyed him into submission
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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