Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
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He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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