my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize