He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
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He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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