My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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