Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This show inspires me to have sex in space
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize