My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
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Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
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The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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