he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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