It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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