i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think my fart just growled at me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
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I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
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I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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