i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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