why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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