last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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