I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
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He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I will be naked everywhere
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
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You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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