i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize